Why You Love Them
I belong to a UU group called “Connections” that meets once a month. Each meeting has a theme, and we receive a packet of readings and exercises that focus on that theme, to prepare for the discussion.
The theme this month is “Cultivating Relationships.” Exercise Option A is “At Least Ten Reasons Why You Love Them.” The assignment is based on a poem by Matthew Olzmann, “Mountain Dew Commercial Disguised as a Love Poem.” The instructions are to list a minimum of ten specific, singular aspects of being or doing that characterize someone you love, that explain why: “I love you, because you….” I originally bypassed this exercise; the reasons I love Dyke seemed so self-evident as to make the exercise superfluous. But I had never put into words, all at once, the qualities that drew and continue to draw me to him. I figured it couldn’t hurt to give the matter more thought.
So I made my list. The reasons came quickly and easily; I could have continued, but I stopped at 21. The next morning, however, I realized I hadn’t noted why I love him; rather, I had listed the many things he does and has done with me and for me that brighten my life, despite whatever challenges and less-than-optimal experiences and conditions life has thrown my way. This list, in other words, centered on tangible reasons why I’m glad he loves me. The assignment was to list the reasons I love him. So I made another list.
By the time I finished this list, again 21 entries long, I had a profile of the extraordinary man I am married to. The result was a compilation of a unique array of qualities that make him, him—of characteristics that separate him, for me, from everyone else. I notice and appreciate at least some of them every day. But as I considered the detailed portrait in front of me, I marveled anew at this person I am spending life with. I’m reminded of how much I enjoy, respect, and admire him, and how honored I am by our union.
It’s an exercise I highly recommend trying. And I also advise sharing your list with whoever inspired it. It’s a powerful way of letting them know that you see who they are, and love what you see. They deserve to know.